How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
