The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
