I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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