If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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