When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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