If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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