tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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