is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
