Is it because I queefed?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
