i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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