3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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