Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
