Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
