meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
