is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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