new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
