There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize