somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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