I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
