She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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