worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
