This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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