you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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