I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
