Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
