If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
