You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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