I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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