I wanna bring you to show and tell
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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