God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
