Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
