ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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