the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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