Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I enjoy the company of your penis
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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