I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
