the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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