My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
