i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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