I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
