if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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