im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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