She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
