Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
you made out with another girl for some wings
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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