I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
