Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
