I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
