I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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