problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
