I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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