I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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