I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
