If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
