dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
