You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
