If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
