$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
