he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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