it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
how does that bad decision feel?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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