things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
