If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
