Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
