I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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