why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
