You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
