You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize