I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
My penis needs a shock collar
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Randomize
