he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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