there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
