That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have feelings that need drinking.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
