She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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